Falling into ideas

Ten years later, I look back at this post with fondness and a little chuckle...maybe even a ha-ha! (You'll get it when you read it.) And yes, perhaps a bit of nostalgia. I've fallen into many ideas since then, but perhaps not as many as I would have predicted back then. Why not? The caution to "watch your step" that comes with growing older? That may seem possible when you read the reflections of this "young" college student, but I was in my mid-forties at that time, which makes me now...well, never mind. 

The advice imparted though, I think, is sound. Embrace the ordinary and turn it into the extraordinary! 

***

Did you know...a landscape feature that is a deep trench abutting a wall is called a Ha-Ha?  I didn't know that, but I read about these "sunken fences" recently in this wonderful blog post at the site Jane Austen's World: Maintaining the grounds of a landed British estate.  Apparently, as the post informs, it is so-named "because, as the myth goes, this landscape feature was so well hidden that an unsuspecting visitor would blurt out “ha-ha!” before falling into the trench." 

Hmm.  Really?  That's what he (or she) would say?  Oh, I think not.  I imagine I would say something other than "ha-ha!" if I fell into a trench!  In fact, I know exactly what would be said because...well, trust me, I just know.  Not only can I identify with that "unsuspecting visitor," I am that walking (and then not!) disaster who would fall into a trench. 

A Grab Bag of Miscellany

Grab bag:  1) a collection of miscellaneous things; 2) a bag from which gifts are drawn at random.

It's fun to shine a little light on the bits and pieces we love, especially if they are incomplete. We love the potential. In between the milestones we all have amassed a collection of miscellaneous things -- a grab bag of advice we strive to remember and follow, as well as ideas and projects that have been started and stopped, or perhaps regretfully discarded along the way. In the end, these discarded ideas are like handfuls of mismatched costume jewelry. They are pretty to look at and sparkle like the real thing if the light catches them just so.

This, in fact, is how I wind up with many unfinished blog posts!  The light catches the idea and then it fades before something else catches my eye.  But maybe, just maybe...you might catch a glimmer.

Grab Bag Item # 1:  A dose of positivity. 

We pretty much know that writers need a regular dose of positivity.  Who doesn't, right? But you know what I mean -- writers, in particular, need special care. Here are lots of ways to assure and reassure ourselves we can and will manage both the must-do and want-to-to items on the horizon.  These are soooo easy, you might not even realize you're doing them.  But stop doing them and there might be trouble.  So, for a dose of stating the obvious...

1.  Think small.  Whether you have a physical list or a mental list of what's coming up, break it down further. I've heard this before, and  this is item #1 in a great post at The Positivity Blog: Mark Twain’s Guide to Living an Awesome Life: 7 Essential Tips by Henrik Edberg, who suggests remembering Mark Twain's advice:

“The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.”

The other six tips are pretty good too. 

For thinking small, I tell myself it's like folding my entire "list" like an accordion to show the first item and "hiding" the rest from my view.  The week ahead or the whole project will unfold.

2.  Sleep.  Yes, really.  It sounds obvious, but it's hard to think of one thing that will slow you down more than lack of sleep.  Try for that eight hours a night. 

3.  Let your dreams do some of the work.   This one's a little less obvious than sleep.  You'll either be on board with this idea or think it sounds kooky. But give it a try. If something is not coming easy, tell yourself to "sleep on it."  Sometimes when I am frustrated with trying to memorize or grasp concepts (or work out plots) I just give in (not the same as giving up).  After sleeping on it, I'm often amazed at how much is within my grasp the next day of what confused and/or eluded me only yesterday.

4.  Double-dip.  This is the best one.  You can't not like getting a 2 for 1 deal.  Like sleeping and dreaming.

***

Grab Bag Item # 2: The Power of Page 18, Line 4 - Writing Prompts Found in Random Places

Recently, I stumbled upon a Facebook post that said, "this should be fun, pick up the nearest book, page 18, line 4."

Right. Yet another little game on social media. And yes, part of me had to roll my eyes at the cryptic nature of these instructions. I get a little annoyed, you see, with the fragmented nature of communication made up of posts and texts. I blame it on the writer in me, of course. As a writer, I always I crave more. But I tried it and yes, it was kind of fun. In fact, it prompted so much more, as I found with my first random Page 18, Line 4, taken from one of my nearest books:

"Emma was relieved by his absence, and after an hour or so of..."

Of what? Why was Emma relieved by his absence? 

Hmm. Already there are questions from this. It did strike me as a great writing prompt for a story. The book, by the way, was Liar Temptress Soldier Spy: Four Women Undercover in the Civil War, by Karen Abbott.

So yes, there's power in Page 18, Line 4. Give it a try! And yes, you can cheat. I know I did! Because, although it seems like I got lucky more times than not, not every example I found was all that inspiring or thought provoking -- at least not to me. I'm also thinking this little exercise might work best with non-fiction books, but that's just a guess. 

***

Grab Bag Item #3: Update to the blog post Pre-made Romance Covers and Where to Find Them

This is as good a place as any to announce an "update," of sorts, to a popular post. Your search for a book cover, after all, is an activity to match your great ideas behind the cover with something that catches your eye with the right sparkle. As with any post that has links, it tends to get out of date. While I did not take the time to search out new information, I did test what was there and removed the broken links. Happy browsing, if you're so inclined to do so!

Kindle Vella release of The Billionaire's Reluctant Bride

 Well this is fun! I've begun releasing episodes of my romance, The Billionaire's Reluctant Bride, via Kindle Vella. I've released the first episode, and there are more to come! Here is the link to Episode One: A Voice from the Past. From there, you can follow the story of Leo and Anya.

For billionaire LEO CARPELLI, chasing after another man’s runaway bride is definitely out of character. But ANASTASIA CHARLOTTE VICTORIA WINTHORPE, known to him as ANYA, pulls on long forgotten protective instincts. And from what he knows of her family, she needs it. He has to think fast when the all grown up southern beauty reappears in his life in an ill-fitting disguise and suitcase full of cash.

Running from an old life and an unwanted marriage should be a straight path with no detours, but ANYA reaches out to LEO, her childhood hero, on an impulse. Once up close in personal, her hero worship flips to attraction with the speed of a chemical reaction. She knows nothing can come of it, but it makes for a wonderful fantasy to unpack later. But then he did the unthinkable. He proposed. She’ll take one night with a man who makes her toes curl, thank you very much, and nothing more. But one night has consequences.

Here's a little backstory on this novel's journey. This is a full, contemporary romance novel I originally sought to have published by a series romance line, but, alas, after three months of waiting for a response, it was not destined to be. I thought I might be crushed, but surprisingly, I am not. I appreciated the reasons given as nothing "bad" as to the quality of the writing, and can even agree it did not, shall we say, conform quite enough to the "rules" of a series romance. All in all, I found my story professionally and respectfully declined, but found myself complimented too, with an assessment of my work being "infused with the love of the genre, with an enjoyable premise and many of the hallmarks of a quintessential Series read."

 What can I say? I'll take it. :) There were more details I will hold back because it would give away some surprises, but it did my confidence more good than ill to put myself and my story out there for professional review and I'm glad I wrote a traditional romance "outside the box" of my past work by not having a paranormal or fantasy element. And while I may have veered slightly away from the "tropes" expected in a marriage of convenience story, I'm satisfied it is a good and entertaining story that stayed true to my voice.

So, what to do with it now, I thought? Try a different publisher or self-publish it along with my other works? On a bit of an impulse, I went with the new Kindle Vella method of publishing the story in episodes. After all, it's an intriguing concept and I've been tempted to start with a different story yet to be finished. That does seem to be the risk, for both the reader and the writer! As a writer, I knew I didn't want to risk not finishing or feel the compulsion to edit earlier episodes. But with this story, I can guarantee it is complete and yes, all will end happily ever after. :) I hope you will enjoy Leo and Anya's story!

All Things New

New characters with new names. New settings and plots and the chance to pick and choose from all your favorite things. Or maybe it's time now to look at your bucket list. Now's your chance. You're beginning a new novel and the possibilities are wide open. 

 But sometimes, it isn't easy to see the joy of all things new. For years, my new projects revolved around a series, which meant there was a continuation of the same idea. Or at least there was a jumping off point, such as knowing the next story is for a secondary character, which meant the world in which they lived and the people they knew had a certain continuity. So when what felt like a lifetime project ended, it took me months to find and commit to a new idea. It meant I really wasn't writing at all. 

It really was a struggle, which also explains my long gap between blog posts. You can see where I was in my head by the titles of a couple of my last posts after finishing the last book of my series. No, not the couple of rebooted posts from my draft archive, but a bit further back. In After the Big Finish: Bargaining with the Muse, written November 2019, I believe I explained the absence of my Muse with the suspicion she had stayed in that world I left behind. And in Let It Burn, written in May 2020, I had apparently reconciled myself to the writing drought and was in purge mode, discarding the old and on the search of "anything useful for the future." And yes, my mood was influenced by the big real life transition to being an empty nester. 

Thankfully, a year later, I can report I got through both transitions; the empty nest one and the writing one. In fact, just a few days ago, I submitted a story to Harlequin. Yes, I submitted to a publisher and am not self-publishing this one. It's also a departure from my usual, a contemporary runaway bride kind of story, with not a fantasy, time-travel or paranormal element to be found. But it's a romance, of course! So stay tuned for hopefully great news coming soon -- or rather, in the 12-14 weeks estimated for a reply!

And now, believe it or not, I'm back to that crazy point of brainstorming all things new for the next story. And, I'm thrilled to say I already have a new idea taking hold. I won't say what it is, because I am a bit of believer in not talking away your fire for an idea, but the point is it came easier. I think it helps now, if not then, that I set out to do a few things with the last project that seemed outside my wheelhouse:

1. Write a story without the "frills" of paranormal elements (not a bad thing, but could I do it?)
2. Check off an item from my bucket list, which is to write and submit a Harlequin novel (no, not defecting from the merits of self-publishing, but could I do it?), and
3. Write a stand-alone novel. (Yep, you guessed it...could I do it?)

It may seem like setting limits, but shaking things up and truly striving for something different from what I'd done seemed to be what I needed to do, maybe like putting out the welcome mat for an open house -- well, make that a brand new house.

Of course, I'm not under any illusions my troubles are over. If there's one thing I discovered, it's that I apparently have a hard time thinking outside the box of my universe. For instance, in my brainstorming to think up character names, my brain wanted to stick with Leo and Anya, the hero and heroine of my so recently finished novel! Maybe that's normal. I don't know, but it was an effort to go with something different – Luke and Anna? No. Too similar. Also, they are the names of my niece and nephew – my brother’s kids. Eventually I went with Luke and Kat. What can I say? The search for new is still a little entangled with the old. And I did have a potentially crushing moment when I realized my new and shiny idea is not all that new. But that's okay -- there are no original ideas, only an infinity of variations.

The key, I guess, is finding out what truly opens up the possibilities when brainstorming all things new. What might need to change to help that? It doesn't have to be a forever decision, but maybe it's time to break the mold and try something new.

 I'm glad I did. Would I write a series again? Never say never seems to be a safe answer, but I would hesitate.
I loved the world and characters I created and they taught me so much. Heck, that's an understatement. They taught me everything I know about writing a story. For a while it was all I knew and I even thought my Muse might have stayed there too. But it's good to know too that my universe is bigger than I thought. 

Have you had your own struggles with brainstorming all things new? What got you through? How long does it usually take for a new story idea to take hold after finishing your work in progress? 

What Makes You Stop Reading a Story?

It's hard to say what is actually wrong enough to make a reader stop reading. Is it a moment you can pinpoint? Or is it a myriad of "no-no's" that chip away at your tolerance for forgiveness? After all, much can be forgiven, or at least off-set by the good. A setting or premise you enjoy, sympathetic characters...any number of strengths will do. I tend to think it's largely about forgiveness.

For that matter, I like to think I'm a forgiving reader. I'm a writer too, after all. So does that make me more or less forgiving as a reader?

The question may be unfair, or at least an unfair burden. We like what we like. It's not about wondering if you've become jaded or nit-picky. Being a writer only means you have a built-in desire to analyze the why. Why did it happen? What went wrong? Or, in other words, what made it a DNF - Did Not Finish.

Granted, there are levels of DNF. As a writer, I try to remember not all DNF's are a personal statement of disliking the writing - or the writer. Thank goodness, knock on wood, I have not had a DNF review, but I'm sure it has happened - that act itself of someone not finishing my story. I would hope it is for one of the "lesser" reasons, such as "not in the mood." That is the #1 reason found in this blog post here:

The Different Types of DNF

I can live with that -- the reader simply not being in the mood or even the #2 reason, "I gave it a real chance & didn't convince me."  These are the soft, undeclared types of DNF, the types I think  unlikely to prompt a DNF review -- much different than the strong feelings that fuel a 1 star DNF.  Those are a different animal altogether, and the reasons for the DNF are also much easier to identify. Something very specific about the book hurt you or made you angry. 

It is the lesser reasons of a DNF that are most valuable to study. But how? They are largely undocumented, which is perhaps a good thing for the emotional well-being of the writer, but consequently, this makes it much harder to define the capricious nature of what exactly lost the interest of the reader. Temporarily? Perhaps. Or perhaps not. Who is to say if a reader will get back to the story they abandoned to their TBR pile out of boredom or simply not being in the mood? In this sea of mediocrity, how do we pinpoint why the reader stopped reading? 

I don't think we can -- exactly, that is. The source of disconnect lies somewhere within the reader's opinions and tastes. Yes, it is a broad spectrum, but one you are a part of -- you're on the spectrum too.  Hopefully the reader has a visceral response to the writer's opinions and tastes -- or in other words, the writer's voice. Take a moment to remind yourself what that is:

Writer's Voice: What It Is and How to Find Yours

Personality, tone, rhythm. All of the things to keep a writer interested. Is it any wonder if the majority of the soft DNF's may come from a reader not connecting to a writer's voice? 

Reading contributes to voice. We like what we like. We know what we forgive and do not forgive.

Reading also reminds us that there is much more that is forgivable than we think when wearing our writing hat. It's not about punctuation and many other rules as we know them. We know this, but we forget. It takes reading to feel how the imperfections of broken rules, if you will, add to the readability of the book as a whole. In fact, I recently felt the need to tell a writer friend about it in an email...

***

I read a really good book last night – stayed up well past my bed time! This one was another Harlequin Presents, but an old one from the 90’s. It’s called Tainted Love by Alison Fraser. Wow. So different in style from the new ones. I wouldn’t say there was no POV from the hero exactly, more like a consistent slip that somehow worked. LOL Like, “he spoke more gently as he saw the color drain from her face,” but stays in her POV. Only once, for a few paragraphs in the entire book, does it go clearly into his POV – sort of. Okay, indulge me, but I’ve got to type it out:

She stirred a little, but did not wake when Fenwick entered her attic bedroom. He touched her hair, lightly brushing it back from her face, but she felt nothing. He covered her still clothed body with the quilt.

He watched for a while as she slept and wondered that she who seemed so strong could look so vulnerable in sleep.

He stared at the picture that had slipped from her grip and barely recognized the girl in it. She looked a decade younger and happier. She was beautiful with her dark red hair and flashing green eyes.

He looked back down at the bed. It was the same face but too thin now, and scarred by grief. He wanted to wipe away her tears but couldn’t without waking her. He wanted to take away the pain but couldn’t, because he didn’t know how.

He was no good with people. He’d realized that a long time ago. Normally he didn’t care, but this girl…

So what the heck was that? Lol How is that allowed? Even this, in his POV, has “but she felt nothing.” It all makes me think I worry too much about what is and isn’t allowed. LOL But shouldn’t I? I don’t see this anymore, so was this allowed then, but it isn’t allowed now?

I don’t know. All I know is I liked it – the book. Heck, it made me cry. It’s messy, but not confusing messy – you know? Maybe even a necessary messy.

***

Forgivable. That's what it was. The one thing I didn't like, by the way, was how rushed the ending felt. Other readers, I noticed, felt the same way. They wished for more. They dinged a 5-star read down to a 4-star. Hmm. Not a bad problem for a writer, wouldn't you say?

So what is forgivable or unforgivable? It depends. (Remember that Scruples game? I always said "it depends.") It takes thought. As writers we should want to think about it. We want to learn. You may even take solace in knowing a writer wrote badly because it gives your own writing some leeway to be bad as well! Yep, I said it. But of course, you don't want that. You tell yourself you wouldn't do that, whatever that may be. Yes, a 1-star DNF of a train wreck can be averted. But maybe...just maybe, it's just as important to captivate with voice. Without that connection, a reader can lose interest long before the train wreck. With it, they can forgive when it happens.


So what makes you stop reading? Is it one thing or a combination of several things? Are you a "forgiving" reader? Do you have personal writing "don'ts" or lines crossed that come to light from what bothers you as reader?

Word Count Targets

I've been giving some thought to how writers choose the word count of their stories. Or does it choose them? How important is it to have a target length in mind at the outset? While mulling this over, I found myself reviewing the guidelines of this most basic tool.

First off, there are various guidelines that vary by genre, but basically:

Short story: 1,000 to 7,500
Novella: 17,000 to 40,000
Novel: 70,000 to 100,000

Yes, you may notice these ranges have gaps. I noticed that too. Hmm. What about 50,000 words? Maybe the numbers are wrong? What is the source? Well, the thing is, there isn't one source. Not anymore. If you search for it, you will probably find a chart that says something different -- or one you like better! The rules have changed, or at least blurred, over time. Maybe, as we go forward, the most accurate we can be is to say "anything over 40,000 words is considered a novel." Maybe. Or, on the flipside, there is even more definition. This is actually how the website Owlcation.com breaks it down (with no gaps):

Flash Fiction: 53 - 1,000 words

Short Stories: 3,500 - 7,500

Novellettes: 7,500 - 17,000

Novellas: 17,000 - 40,000

Novels: 40,000 + words

 Ok, this sooths my need for a categorical breakdown! It does break down those shorter ranges. But it also supports the broad range of longer works, bringing us back to "anything over 40,000 words is considered a novel."

Whew. We've come full circle to a very loose number - at least for a novel. Does it matter? Well, I think it is helpful to work through the numbers for a general idea of expectations, but I'll leave that up to you. What does matter is arriving at that target to shoot for, whether it is defined by a publisher's guideline or by you. But I still haven't decided if we, as writers, have a sweet spot for length. Maybe. Or does the story decide?

It's likely a combination of both, but I think there must be a heavy dose of instinct. Amazingly, even with so many of the variables yet to be pulled from the universe, I think you can and do know how long your story will be from the onset. Yes, really. You know the target from a framework of your intentions. Now that's not to say you're not going to second guess yourself along the road, and it's tempting to discount it because it came to you pretty easily. But think carefully before you move your goalpost. I'll get to more about that in a minute.

First,what is in this framework I mentioned? Well, it's more numbers. Consider your own numbers from the history of your stories' word counts. Do they match up with what you intended? I'm guessing they roughly do, but even if they didn't, it's an interesting exercise to consider why they did or did not. What does this tell you about your sweet spot for length? This is what I find:

My last novel had a target of 80,000 words. I arrived at this after my previous novels were, respectively, about 90,000 words, 70,000 words, and 50,000 words.

Yep, they got shorter until I leaned back into a longer target. (I also have a very long non-fiction work, but that's a whole other animal!) In hindsight, I do feel like the shortest novel was a bit too short. However, I stand by that pre-determined target. I intended it to be shorter. This was a novel in the midst of a series and I purposefully left loose ends. In fact, I thought the romance of the central couple might continue into several stories. In this respect, my future intentions influenced my prediction of the target length of this book and, for that matter, also the next. I did feel the tug of second guessing the target I set, but I held firm.

The only problem was my plans -- the framework of my intentions -- changed. I didn't want to write the next, shorter novels. Instead, the next novel would be the final in the series and it would take longer than I thought. (Four years, but who's counting.) Anyway, to make a long story short, loose plot ends were one thing to tie off, but to give the romantic leads in one book a relationship resolution as a secondary couple in another book was more difficult. Not impossible, but difficult. Should I have listened back then to the tug of second guessing? Was I just too stubborn to move a goalpost?  Perhaps. Or maybe it turned out as it was meant to be.

The choice is ours -- we can either embrace the bullseye of a target to be exactly 80,000 or shoot to be an exception above or below. There will always be exceptions, above and below this target. Need examples? Yes, I have more numbers.

 Twilight, for instance, is a novel above this baseline target at about 118,000 words. This is an exception to the rule, but I think, whether consciously declared or not, it fit in the author's framework of intentions. Some genres can do that. Fantasy and science fiction can do that. More on this is explained in the Writer's Digest post Word Count for Novels and Children's Books: The Definitive Post.

And then there is the trend of eBooks and non-traditional publishing that have many examples that make a strong argument for shorter word counts that may well be your "sweet spot." If you balk at calling your 50,000 word story a novella, you are not alone. In fact, you may be in the majority if your book length falls in that gap between the ranges given for a novel or a novella.

Other exceptions, I would argue, are whether your book is in a category of, well, appropriate enough,  category romance. In this case, the word count requirements are generally a bit shorter and very specific to each line with a range from 50,000 to 75,000. In this case, don't take my word for it, go here to the Harlequin Submission page to see exactly what is required. (As a side note, this, in fact, is my current challenge. I intend to write a Harlequin Presents. Amongst other things, it goes against what I "think" may be my sweet spot for word length.)

All of this goes into your framework of intent. Once you have it, you have a word count target.

Then the work begins. So, you know where you want to end up, but what about progress? Word count does seem most useful. It is a number and an unambiguous target. You can say, presumably with confidence, that you are a quarter of the way or half way done. Only somehow, it doesn't work that way. A funny thing always happens. Always. 

My novels always feel much closer to completion at much lower word counts.

At about the 25,000 word mark, in some alternate universe, it is, in fact, finished. In my dreams. Yeah, that's about it. If only the technology were advanced enough to beam my perfect dream to others. If only. That's a tough spot to be in where nothing can match your imagined story. It takes a lot of words to fill in the blanks and it's different than the "dreaded middle" we've heard about where the story stalls out. There isn't a stall. It's finished. Yeah, yeah, in my dreams.

Eventually, even if each one is a struggle, real words fill in the blanks and get moved around and tweaked until they fall into place. Round after round of layering will eventually raise the word count. It is possible for the imagined to be captured.

 And that brings me to milestones. I've always been very confused on defining my writing stages; rough drafts, first drafts or however many drafts, and at what point you're in revision. I think final revision I'm a little more clear on, but barely. The only thing I find concrete is word count. I know that at 25,000 words I have a long ways to go, but I have gone too far to stop. The rest will come. I will get to a target I set from the beginning.

Do you have a sweet spot for word count length? Do you stick with it?

Let it burn

Does the W in WIP stand for Work or for Writing? I guess, as a writer, I've always thought it was for Writing. Maybe my mind just balked at calling it Work. Either way, acronyms are like that. Most of the time, people who use them don't even really know what they stand for anymore. Apparently, according to a quick internet search, it could be World Institute of Pain. Hmm. At times that could fit for a writer too.

For most of this year though, all I know is my W has not been for writing. Oh there have been flares of story, but they would quickly burn themselves out, as a fire will do if the fuel is only papers and kindling. I should know, because I have been doing a lot of burning. Really, that's what I've been doing while the fire for story flickered, but did not take hold.

Back on a warm for February northern Minnesota day, I began to burn what amounted to 20 to 30 years of accumulated paper. Old drafts of writing, old bank statements, old scraps of everything I once thought, for one long forgotten reason or another, too important to throw away. Whether it were laziness or sentiment that kept me holding on to all these bits and pieces is up for debate. A little of both, no doubt, went into each decision of non-action. A little voice must have whispered to me, saying I might need this one day. 

That's not to say, over the years, the task of sorting hadn't been attempted. But it was too much, an undertaking that grew more formidable with time. These things, once collected piece by piece at the urging of a whisper, were now fiercely protected  from disturbance, as if guarded by a lion. Even a move to a new home would not unduly disturb this collection. These things, packed in vaguely labeled boxes, would accompany me and be hidden away, out of sight in drawers and cabinets and closets, attic and basement space too. Other things joined the boxes of paper, including clothing in sizes I deluded myself into thinking I would ever get back into.  And then came larger items of old electronics. These items held no sentimental attachment, so this part was just the hassle to arrange for their removal. But it all fit in spaces out of sight, most of the time, out of mind. Oh, occasionally I would have twinges of a guilty conscience and moments of premonition. What if someone else, be it family or strangers, had to clean out my house? I would cringe at the thought. 

Cringe, yes, but the call to action would fade. Of course it would. I had other things to do. Other things I wanted to do so much more than this. Writing, yes. But really anything currently setting a fire in my soul took preference to looking back. Maybe I felt like if I looked back I wouldn't like what I found. Not just in old journals, old letters. If only that were all. But I kind of knew even a receipt or a sample of paint color would have a purpose behind it. A reminder that, at one point in time, this was the project setting a fire in my soul. Did I succeed or fail? It was all there, in mementos unintentionally kept.

Were those things important, after all, to have kept? To continue to keep? Just thinking of how much time it would take to make that decision made me cringe! And there you had it. One cringe can outweigh another!

But somehow, finally, I felt the need to purge. Moreover, I felt the need to light a fire. Does the credit go to my lack of ambition for writing? We have all been there and experienced the moments when the most mundane tasks are preferable to writing. This might apply here, if not for the fact my task was not mundane. It was personal to go through all these pieces of my psyche I hid out of sight. 

So, you may wonder, why now? Of course, I needed an inciting incident or this purging was never going to be done. What got me going was at least two-fold; an impending house renovation and an impending empty nest. This was a start. It at least lit a fire. (Note to self, sometimes an external conflict gets things moving more than internal conflict! Or sometimes we need both.)

In the midst of this purging loomed uncertainty. This is not an unusual state of affairs. There has always been uncertainty in one form or another as to the permanence of my current status quo. (That's another story!) But of course those anxieties played into this. Was I being rash? Would I regret this? Those questions were probably what I thought I'd be thinking about the most as I watched the flames. But of course, by then, I'd already asked and answered those questions. The burning wasn't hard. 

Yes, it did take time. As it so happened, with circumstances as they are in the world right now, I had the time. I too am working from home, but I'm not sure that really mattered -- it never really was about having the time. I'm still not done with the burning (it's restricted at the moment), but the sorting is done. The large items hauled away. And no, I did not throw away or destroy everything.

How did I know what to keep? In hindsight, my test seems simple. It came down to asking if it was something "useful for the future." This definition, of course, is highly personal and I would never be able to define it for another person's purge. But for me it was about keeping "fuel" for the future. All that means, I suppose is asking would it make me happy? That criteria broadly covered a lot of sentimental things like my son's school drawings or even my own high school poetry. Not bad, if I do say so myself. Or even a project from the 11th grade on "The History of Furniture." (I'm always collecting for a new edition of the HRC!) Oddly, my test did not cover a lot of early writing and even personal journals and letters. I reread everything, remembered much more than the words told, and said my goodbye. I wish that girl would have written more poetry.

But that sounds too much like a regret. No regrets. I have empty spaces! Well, almost. The last step in my sorting is to have a yard sale of all the things someone else might find "useful for the future." Only social distancing was not a thing while I was sorting out my mess. I think I have to wait. I may also have to wait for the house renovation. This is also on hold, but I am certainly not putting things back in those empty spaces! 

So, like many people feel these days, there is a sense of limbo. Some things are on hold and yet some are not. As my son found out, some things will not wait for you. Remote learning made it hard for my son to finish his senior year of high school and I wondered how I could light a fire in him. Or under him as a way to get him out of bed! (Tempting, but I did not.) Somehow, we pushed through. Next week, in the school parking lot, he will get his diploma and there will be a parade through town. And in the fall, he will go to college. So far, the college is saying it will be on campus. We didn't get a chance to visit so that doesn't seem real either but it will happen.

Yes, it helps to set fires. Fight fire with fire? Sounds logical to me. Or, as another way of thinking of it, use a distraction to fight a pervasive state of distraction. And who isn't distracted right now? Distraction, by the way, is #5 on this list of the 5 Reason You're Experiencing Writer's Block by Susan Reynolds in a guest post on Jane Friedman's blog.

 Instead of feeling like a failed writer, be patient and kind toward your writing self until the situation changes. The less you fret and put a negative spin on it, the more small pockets of time might open up. And, since you have been wise in keeping your writing brain primed, you may find it easier to write than you imagined.

This is good to hear. It also tells me I shouldn't be so hard on myself if my story fire flickers out. At least it was there, for a small pocket of time. But I still say fighting fire with fire is good too

After the Big Finish and Bargaining with the Muse

As we all know, finishing a big writing project is great. Euphoric. The End has arrived. For months, or perhaps years, you have lived with the absolute uncertainty it is actually going to happen...until it does. *Jump for joy and set off fireworks!*




Well, that was fun. I wish it would have lasted longer. Let's do it again.





Better? Yeah! Again? Sure! *Repeat as many times as you want.*

Eventually, sorry to say, you come back to earth. Now what? What's next? I know, everyone is different in how they answer. Maybe some people jump into the next big thing. As for me, I can't imagine it. For me, I find the euphoria after the big finish comes skipping in, hand-in-hand, with a declaration of never again. Absolutely, no way am I going to do that again! Writing a novel is nuts. It made me nuts. I'm done. I'm exhausted from building worlds and breaking and mending hearts.

And so it begins. Along with the euphoria of finishing, there is always a time of superstitious bargaining with my Muse. Ugh! It's a difficult transition after months of welcoming crazy, plot twisting, chaos filled ideas that have changed the story and moved the characters toward their goals. It makes me nervous to start making demands now, when I know, because we've been living together for so long, that the Muse tends to get a little bored with reasonable arguments. She knows best. She knows she can convince me. But still, I try. It is time for a break. Not only did I finish a novel, I finished a series. I deserved a break, right? I waited a long time for this.

Does she care? I'm not sure. Does she know I'm not entirely serious about never again? I'm not sure. In the back of my mind, as I break from this story, this familiar world, with days and weeks of deciding what is next, I start to worry. Maybe I was too harsh. Too ungrateful. Yes, it was all about me. I could have said it better. Break ups are hard. Saying "it's not you, it's me" never works out well. But there are times when you want the distance. Truth be told, my Muse and I have broken up many times before the big finish.

So, she knows, right? She knows I'm not entirely serious. It's nothing more and nothing less than a ritual after every big finish. And that's a good thing to have as a writer. It means I have been at this place before. I can get here again. It doesn't matter how many times I thought I never would while in the midst of the murky middle or struggling to figure out the ending.

Those struggles linger. After the big finish, I find myself staring blindly at the last page before the euphoria sinks in. I suppose part of me lingers, imagining the future not written. I do this as a reader, and I think I do the same as a writer, only this time I'm listening, one last time. I'm wondering if there is anything else I need to add, any last requests? Or even some complaints. The Muse, my definitely not on-call expert in making trouble, has to be satisfied the characters haven't had it too easy. She would think nothing of sending me back, all the way to the beginning if need be, to rewrite things to her liking! But finally, even she, I think, is standing in the wings brushing a tear from her eye. She nods her approval and it's enough. It's good. She does have a heart, after all.

*Big sigh.* Yes, it's done. We can all say farewell. I can blink again. And, yes, jump up and down and set off fireworks! That clarity of closure, by the way, is the best feeling.The writer too, needs a happily-ever-after.

So, yes, the reward is great. But so is the commitment. After the big finish, is it any wonder it takes time to be brave enough to set off on the journey again? To listen to a demanding cast and want to give them what they want until the Muse jumps in with an idea to do the opposite? She knows I will be persuaded to her way of thinking, even if it will push back all optimistic expectations of when the big finish will happen. It will. It does. You keep going, encouraged by knowing each story gets better, knowing, on the good days, that maybe your abilities are getting closer to matching that vision of the "story in your head." You try for more. You don't give up, even if it seems like no one is waiting to read this story or if all that is driving you is maybe nothing more than that a search for that sense of closure, whether it's for yourself or for the characters you love. Or even the Muse.

Yes, it is good to have finished again. Finishing again means we have faith the Muse will come back. You could even say it's inevitable. Yes, that will make you cringe, just a little. Inevitable doesn't have  as comforting a ring to it as having faith does. But we all know writing a novel isn't a comfortable way to spend your time. It's a constant tug of war of wanting to do it and not wanting to do it. And, after the long awaited big finish, you will want the Muse to come back, but just not right away. Is that too much to ask? You ask. How about we both take a break? But not too long, you add quickly. Don't forget me.

I think it's been long enough. I think. Only, I don't think my Muse and I are entirely on speaking terms yet. Actually, I wonder if maybe she's spending time in the world we built. That would be just like her, to make me go searching as a way to tempt me back. (I bet she has plans for Lilian, a beloved secondary character. Who knows what trouble she's getting her into. She did hint at a few ideas...) But, no. I told her no! Maybe, one day, but not yet. I'm trying out a new story. New characters, a brand new world...

Yes, I know, never again. Famous last words and all that. The thing is, it feels a bit like maybe my Muse is new to this too. Hey, wait a minute. Did she send a replacement? That would be another thing just like her. To send me a temp. Or, if I keep trying, if I commit to listening, will she step in? How long before I know for sure it's really her? I guess only time will tell. Eventually, after a lot of trouble making, I'll know.

Release of Magic & Mayhem: A Paranormal Romance Collection

I am excited to announce the release of the box set of my novels! The recently released novel Worth the Risk, is a cross-over between two series, so I thought it important to have all four books together. Magic & Mayhem, A Paranormal Romance Collection is available now. At present, it is only available on Amazon.

Four romances connected by love and magic. When time traveling Guardian Angels connect with Regency England, a modern day psychic, and even a ghost, it’s bound to be mayhem! 

Release of Worth the Risk - New Excerpt!

Release day! Worth the Risk is available June 28, 2019. 

At long last! If you love an epic romance with lots of suspense and time travel (a jaunt to Regency England), then this is the story for you!

Here is an excerpt from deep in the heart of the story...

She got out of bed and crouched to light the candle in the fireplace. There. That wasn't so hard. But when she stood, she forgot to account for the long hem of her borrowed night gown. She tripped and did a Cirq de Solis worthy balancing act to keep from dropping the candle. Whew! That had been a close call. She could see the demise of what had happened to the great Bramleigh Park in the history books now. An unknown guest set fire to a priceless Aubusson rug and burned down the mansion. Careful to shield the flame, she took tiny steps toward the bookcase. At least no one had witnessed her latest act of clumsiness.

"Are you trying to burn down the house?"

The candle dropped from her nerveless fingers. Behind her, the deep, husky voice she hadn't thought to hear again let out a string of curses. Carrie didn't move as the figment of her wishful thinking brushed by her to bend down and pick up the candle at her feet. Her heart seemed to stop beating for the seconds it took for her mind to catch up. She stared unblinking, slow to accept he stood before her, disheveled in a white shirt that left the bronze column of his throat exposed, the angles of his impossibly beautiful face illuminated in the glow of the candlelight. His angry, exasperated face.

Her poor heart came to life, thumping with such an erratic beat she had to press her hand to her chest. He was here! He'd come back.

"Nick."

"Eric," he corrected softly.

At that moment she didn't care what he called himself. The angry words she'd thought she'd say didn't materialize. She wanted to throw herself at him. Her heart beneath her hand did another jump, as if anticipating the leap. Stop it! Have a little dignity. Don't forget. He left you.  

She tilted her chin. "I was under the impression you had no intention of coming back."

"You were correct."

"And yet here you are."

"Here I am."

Neither of them seemed to know what to say after that. 

"Your feet must be cold," he said.

She could barely make out his features, but knew he was looking down at her toes peeking out beneath the long hem. He did seem to have a concern for the warmth of her feet. "A little."

"Then get into bed."

She laughed. It bubbled over and kept coming, seemingly without end.

He scowled. "What is so amusing?"

"Nothing. Everything." She looked up at him, shaking her head.  What could she say? Tell him how much she'd missed his bossy nature? He'd find that amusing. He probably found every damn thing about her amusing, from getting caught in rose bushes to falling off chairs to sliding down a cave water slide to tripping over her nightgown. Was that why he was here? For his amusement?

"Carrie, stop." He lifted his hand and rested it against the side of her face.

Stop what, she wondered? Stop laughing, stop shaking? Stop being such a fool? What did he want her to stop doing?

His thumb brushed against her cheek. "Stop crying," he whispered. 

Her breath caught. Stop crying? She touched her face and felt moisture. Her brow furrowed. She was crying. Of course she was. This wasn't funny. Without him, she'd been lost. 

A sob caught in her throat. "Oh, Nick."

He didn't correct her this time. He simply picked her up. 

***

Click here to find the book on Amazon!

Writing an Immortal Romance Hero - Revisited

The release of my cross-over story, Worth the Risk, is finally standing firm to be released early in 2019! I'm very happy about this, because Eric and Carrie's story has been my work in progress for about four years. I thought now was a good time to revisit a blog I wrote on the basis of my character research for my immortal hero, written almost three years ago. At the end of this blog, I give a hint of what changed after this preliminary research.

Worth the Risk, is a story with an immortal as the hero. This is Eric's story, a character who has the distinction of making an appearance in all but one of my books. It doesn't feel right though to call him a secondary character. He's always been larger than life. So, the challenge has been to bring him down to earth and humanize him with all the qualities we humans (i.e., romance readers) tend to require in a hero. That's been the draw of writing his story I think, exploring the difference between a classic hero and romance novel hero.

Up to now, Eric has not been the hero, meaning he has not been the main character and so he does not "get the girl."  Or, to be more accurate, his relationships are not destined to last. But, by definition, he is a hero, albeit a tragic hero. It was a bit of a surprise, even for me, to realize I'd given him all five of the classic tragic hero criteria (as defined by Aristotle...but I like this simplified answer given in this Yahoo! Answers reply):

1. Comes from nobility;
2. Tragic flaw (caused by a simple mistake or character flaw like pride or hubris)
3. Undergoes a reversal of fortune (falls from high to low)
4. Has a downfall.
5. Recognizes his mistakes.

It probably isn't too surprising that an immortal character would be a tragic hero, but I found myself wanting to know him on a more personal level. I wondered, could he go from being the definition of hero to being the main character and the hero of the story? Could this fallen hero rise again? To get to really know him, I'd have to get to know a heck of a lot more about him, including when, how and why he became an immortal. These things turned out to be key starting points for turning him into the hero to root for.

The questions of when and where.

So I started out by wondering, how old should my immortal be? When would he have been immortal long enough to have gone through most of the adjustments to immortality, but not long enough to have forgotten what it was like to be human?

It's rather fascinating to think about the possible stages of immortality, don't you think? Take, for example, the daily, repetitive cycle of Bill Murray's character in Groundhog's Day, which you could say is a form of immortality. Caught in an endless loop of repeating the same day, the main character Phil acquires amazing talents because he has time for endless do-overs, grows bored once the novelty of all those do-overs wear off, goes through a stage where his indestructability leads him to believes he is a god, and, for a while, he falls into depression and grief over the loneliness of his singular experience. And yes, all this in a comedy!

But one of the biggest things I took from this example was where Phil ended up at the end of the movie. In the end, Phil accepts his fate and becomes a better person, but he still hopes for change. So did we as viewers! When his "curse" of waking up every morning to "I Got You Babe" finally ended, we rejoiced. How could we not? It was over. Thank goodness! The movie ended at just the "right" time. If it had ended sooner, the character wouldn't have redeemed himself yet. If it hadn't ended once he'd changed, well, that just wouldn't have been fair.

I've picked up Eric's story right about here; when he's on the brink of losing the ability to "hope for change." It's past the point of being fair. How would this affect his character? Or, in other words, where is he at emotionally?

According to author G. Doucette on Building an Immortal Man, a real immortal would be "sarcastic, bitter, extremely clever and possibly an alcoholic."

Hmm. I think he's about right. With years of life experience, how could he not become any or all of those things? I imagine this is where an immortal would be shortly after passing that "tipping point" of accepting his fate. He'd have changed or redeemed himself, but he'd still be that guy who wakes up every morning to "I Got You Babe."

You have to admit, there's a certain tragedy built into such a character. But here's where the "what ifs" start to domino. What if this person, this tragic hero with all his history and heartache behind him, still finds himself capable of falling in love? How would he handle that? He would fight it tooth and nail. He'd do his utmost to scare away anyone foolish enough to fall in love with him. But what if it happened anyway, in spite of all that?

The questions of how and why.

I also thought about how and why my hero became immortal. Deciding whether it had been something that happened to him (rather like being "turned") or whether it had been a choice had many implications. I decided it had been a choice, with Eric's immortality begun with idealistic expectations, rather like the knights of King Arthur's round table. But of course, like the classic story and journey of the hero goes, he experienced a reversal of fortune and a downfall.

The last stage on his journey as a tragic hero, if you recall, is recognizing his mistakes. This, I found, is an interesting stage to reconcile with where he's at emotionally. In a way, perhaps this is a stage by itself, when a hero is fully aware of his failures and wants nothing more to do with being a hero, but finds himself pulled back in because he is who he is. His past made him that way, and his former idealism may be abandoned, but not forgotten no matter how hard he tries to bury it. He is a reluctant hero.

I decided Eric would want to withdraw from his position of power in the fantasy world of The Guardian Angel Series. But this didn't happen all at once. In An Unsuitable Entanglement, he stays long enough to honor what he feels is his obligation to right a wrong before allowing himself the solitude he needs. When we meet him in Worth the Risk he's at a place where he's not announcing who he is and not looking for trouble. But that's not to say trouble won't find him!

The Immortal Romance Hero and His Heroine

I won't go into all the plot details, but this gave rise to thinking about what kind of heroine would be a match for my immortal hero. In a long lifetime of having loved and lost, if my immortal will find the love of his life in this story and with this heroine, well, she'd have to be pretty special too. I decided the heroine would have many of the qualities he had in the past and be on her own journey to regain some of her lost idealism. Could helping her heal her wounded spirit be just what this jaded hero needs? I think so, and I had just the heroine in mind with Carrie, a character from the story Ghost of a Promise. An extraordinary hero is exactly what Carrie also needs.

If you recognize a bit of a Beauty and the Beast theme occurring here, you would be correct. It's been a theme I've adored and long been drawn to read. A story that mixes tragedy and comedy and romance is about as close as it comes to fulfilling my wish list. I've also wanted to write such a story, I just needed to wait for the right characters to be in the right place.

So it makes sense to me that my immortal romance hero has had a long introduction leading up to taking the spotlight in his own story. I hope you too will fall in love with this character who turned out to be my most troubled and complex hero.

In case you're wondering, what did I decide on for how old my immortal would be? I decided on about 400 years. This may seem a bit arbitrary, but I thought it fit the bill for "just right."

***
Three years later, I'm happy to say Eric has fulfilled his promise to be the amazing, classic hero I envisioned for this story. To tell you the truth, and not to give anything away, one of the biggest sticking points for finishing this story, was how in the world did I achieve a happy ending?

The choices, you might think, were simple. Either the immortal hero must become mortal, or the mortal heroine must become immortal. Which option would be most satisfying?

Of course, you know I can't tell you. :) And I probably shouldn't admit I did not know. But for a very long time, I thought it could go either way. A tough spot to be in for a writer!

Eventually, it all sorts itself out and I'm happy with how it ends. Or, to put it another way, I'm happy Eric and Carrie are happy with how it ends! I can only hope you will be too.

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